Haunted
by GundamDelta6
Summary: Amber’s not the only thing haunting House’s sleepless nights. Tag to 5x22. Part 7 of Stronger than Vicodin.


Yeah....I know.....late. See Author's Note. I'll return to a regular updating schedule in a week. Cuz that's when finals will be done. Anyways. Sorry if this makes absolutely no sense, or seems OOC....  


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Title: Haunted

Category: House, M.D.

Pairing: House/Cuddy

Genre: Angst/Friendship…

Set: 5x22 - "House Divided"

Rating: PG-ish

Summary: Amber's not the only thing haunting House's sleepless nights.

Author's Note: Is it just me, or have these things gotten angsty-er since Kutner killed himself?? Or maybe DS and KJ aren't the only ones with a House-finds-himself thing going… I dunno. Sorry this one's a bit late, it's the week before finals and I'm not finding a lot of time to write. Post-episode. No real romance here, sorry.

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"I wonder why that is." The voice broke his thoughts, which he had somehow managed to keep blank as he lay in bed, waiting for the sleeping pills to take effect. He didn't even turn his head to look at the blonde sitting in the chair next to his bed.

"What?" he asked. It hadn't really been that long since she'd first appeared, and he was already sick of her. Though he supposed she knew that already, so he didn't mention it. He also assumed he'd made it clear that he wasn't happy with her continued presence when he tried to shut the door on her.

"You told Cuddy you haven't slept since Kutner's suicide. I wonder why." Now he did turn to her, his eyes narrowed. Though House wasn't sure whether the expression was one of exhaustion finally catching up with the aide of medication, or if he really was annoyed beyond reason with his hallucination.

"You know why. You're me, aren't you?" he shot her previous words at her. Why did it seem like the sleeping pills were taking so long to kick in?

"I told you. You're feeling guilty. You said or did something to make him do it," Amber remarked, her voice tinged with something House couldn't place. There was only one conclusion he could come to. His own mind was screwing with him.

"Can't be that," House snarked. "I didn't have any problems sleeping after you died. But then, that might have been because of the coma. Wilson, though…Wilson lost a lot of sleep. You should be haunting him."

"Well, let's think then," Amber smirked, leaning forward, ignoring his comments about Wilson. "If you're convinced it's not guilt over Kutner, it's got to be something else, right?" Her eyes brightened. "It's _her_. You're losing sleep over her. Though I can't imagine why…"

House sat up in bed, staring at Amber. He realized he should have known that she'd know about his secret, quite well hidden, most-definitely-not subconscious feelings for Cuddy. Though, the fact that she dared to bring it up surprised him. He couldn't even force himself to think about it… couldn't allow himself to contemplate the idea of being with her.

Seeing his reaction, the hallucination of Amber continued speaking. "I should have seen it before. Though, I would have denied the very idea that you, of all people, could have a human side. A human heart. You surprise me, House. I never thought you could have feelings like that for anyone. You care about her. You--"

"Shut up," House whispered, cutting her off. How he wished he could shut Amber up completely. Her continuous insight into things he didn't want to think about was beginning to annoy and unnerve him. He blocked away certain things so that he wouldn't have to confront them. But Amber dug through the dust covered thoughts and memories and dragged them out to admire and discuss. "Shut up and let me sleep."

"You can't sleep. That's why we're having this discussion."

"This," he picked up the container of sleeping pills, "says otherwise." Setting the bottle back down, he turned his back on Amber and tried to sleep. 'Tried' being the operative word.

"You haven't told her."

He flinched. His own mind couldn't even be quiet long enough for him to get even fifteen minutes of solid sleep.

"And I don't intend to," he answered back. He couldn't tell her. And as long as he forced himself to believe that he couldn't, wouldn't, tell Cuddy how he felt…if he forced his own mind to believe that, maybe Amber would drop the subject and let him sleep. He turned again, seeing the chair empty. He sat up, looking around. Amber was nowhere in sight. House let out a breath, glancing sideways at his cell phone lying on the bedside table. Picking it up, he noted the time on the clock. Almost midnight.

She would understand. She had to.

Flipping the phone open, he hit the speed-dial button for her number and waited for her to pick up the phone. He had a whole speech planned out for why he was calling her as late as he was, but the words vanished when he heard her voice on the other end.

"Lisa…" he whispered. "I…"

"_House? Do you know how late it is?"_

"Yeah. But…I can't sleep. I don't know why…" He knew why, but he wasn't sure that Cuddy would believe him if he told her what was going on.

"_I wrote you a prescription for sleeping pills. Take them, go to sleep, and I'll see you at work tomorrow."_ She sounded tired on the other end, and House felt a pang of regret at having woken her up.

"I did. They're not doing anything." They weren't doing anything because they couldn't quiet his mind, still his thoughts.

"_You have to give them time to work, House…"_

"I did. They're not doing anything," he repeated for lack of anything else to say.

"_How long ago did you take them?"_ House rolled his eyes before answering.

"Three hours ago."

"_And they haven't kicked in? House…this is serious."_

"I know that. That's why I'm calling you. There's something else keeping me awake. It's not just Kutner's suicide keeping me up…but I need you to promise me you'll believe me before I tell you. I need you to promise me you won't tell anyone else. No one else needs to know…"

"_House, what's wrong? I can't promise I won't tell anyone…"_

"But you'll believe me?"

"_I'll….I'll believe you."_ Her hesitance wrenched his heart. Was she only saying that because she wanted to know what was wrong? He shook his head, forcing the thought away. Her earlier plea for him to talk to her came back to him and he took a deep breath before giving his own hesitant answer.

"I….Lisa, I'm hallucinating….and it's not a normal hallucination…" He waited for her response. There was nothing but the sound of her breathing on the line, and he felt a sense of dread. Maybe she really didn't believe him? Maybe she was… There was a click and a dial tone. She'd hung up on him.

"Poor thing. You cry out for help and help hangs up on you." House swore under his breath as he looked up to see Amber sitting at the foot of his mattress. He glared at her, and she smirked in reply. "It's your own fault you know. All those lies about your condition…they don't trust you. None of them know when you're telling the truth."

House didn't want to believe what Amber was telling him, but it seemed to be true. All the times he'd told everyone he was fine when he wasn't…all the times he'd lied to them about one thing or another. Shaking his head, he opened his mouth to attempt to refute her, knowing she'd see his argument as weak. Various other memories, however, gave him only two words to argue back.

"You're wrong." To his shock and surprise, Amber merely shrugged and smiled cryptically.

"We'll see." She stood and made her way across the room. House fell back against the pillows, closing his eyes. Amber stayed quiet, and House was sure the drugs were finally taking effect when a sharp rapping at his door pulled him from his half-sleep. Tiredly, he reached for his cane, dragging himself up and out of bed, leaning heavily on the walking aid as he made his way to the door.

"It's past midnight," he groused, opening the door. Time stopped when he saw who was on the other side. The world stopped turning for a brief moment as he pulled the door wider and allowed his guest entrance before closing the door.

"I know, but I couldn't sleep." House grinned at Cuddy and pulled her to him in a hug.

"I didn't think you'd come…" he whispered, content to hold her, to know that she was there. He felt her relax in his embrace, felt her arms raise to return the gesture. She was his haven. As long as she was here, he could ignore the pain. As long as she was here, he could ignore Amber. "But I'm glad you did."

Cuddy pulled back, staring at House with wide eyes. "You…you called me in the middle of the night to see if I'd show up?"

"No. I called you in the middle of the night because I needed you. I needed to talk. To someone. Anyone." House couldn't understand at the moment why he was opening himself up to Cuddy like this, couldn't understand why he needed her to know the real reason he'd woken her up.

"Why not call Wilson?" she asked, stepping further away, out of House's arms.

"I..I don't know." He could have called Wilson, but he hadn't. Perhaps his subconscious was trying to tell him something? But then, Amber was the semi-physical manifestation of his subconscious, and she'd told him that no one trusted him or cared about him. "I'm so confused right now, Lisa," he murmured, limping forward to wrap his free arm around her again, pulling her close. "I'm lost, and I don't like how that feels."

Cuddy didn't resist when House pulled her back, understanding the truth of his words. It was rare that she, or anyone, got to see House like this; he never let anyone see him looking weak or vulnerable. She was touched that he trusted her enough to let her see him like this. She was touched that he trusted her at all.

"I'm here for you, Greg," she whispered back, wrapping her arms around him again. "Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong, and we'll figure out how to make it right."

"I can't see how we can make this right… I'm losing my mind. Slowly, but I'm losing it." House could feel a set of eyes on him, and knew that Amber was watching. "We're being watched," he whispered into Cuddy's ear, even knowing that Amber would know. As expected, Cuddy tensed in his embrace. "Relax. My hallucination is glaring at me."

"Who or what are you hallucinating?" Cuddy whispered back. "And don't tell me I won't believe you, because I will."

"I know you'll believe me. You're here, aren't you?" House shook his head. "I can't tell you right now, Lisa…you have to understand that. Help me sleep, and I'll tell you when I feel that I can." He felt Cuddy nod against him, let her help him back to bed. He let her lay him down, let her pull the blankets up to cover him. Watched her take Amber's usual seat, move it closer, take his hand.

"Sleep, Greg. We'll talk later," Cuddy whispered, watching House make himself comfortable. Even half-asleep, she could tell he was in pain, and she took a sort of pleasure knowing that he trusted her to help him with his pain. "We'll talk when you're ready to talk." She wouldn't pressure him to tell her what was wrong, knew he'd come to her in his own right.

"…… you, Lisa," House muttered sleepily, the first half of the statement muffled by a yawn as he finally, finally, after three weeks, drifted off to sleep. From her chair, Cuddy leaned forward to rest he head on the mattress, and was asleep in moments.

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Next week's will be UBER HOTT! lots and lots of smutty action! I can promise that. What I can't promise, however, is how soon I get it posted...


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